10 1/2 Things No Commencement Speaker Has Ever Said by Charles Wheelan

By Charles Wheelan

Refreshingly sincere suggestion and observations on happiness, good fortune, and the area lurking past the campus gates.
Modeled on Charles Wheelan’s 2011 classification Day Speech at Dartmouth university, this number of refreshingly sincere suggestion and observations is the antidote to these cotton-candy platitudes which are all too accepted to an individual who’s ever worn a mortarboard. Armed with a PhD in public coverage, a long time of expertise in social technology learn, and—perhaps so much important—good-natured humor, Wheelan deals up 10½ head-turning aphorisms on happiness and good fortune that anybody staring down the barrel of commencement must pay attention yet most likely hasn’t heard but. Celebrated New Yorker cartoonist Peter Steiner provides a marginally of caprice along with his irreverent illustrations sprinkled all through. 15 illustrations

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Me washing the pots and doing the ironing, Stephen lying on the sofa with a can of lager in one hand and his genitals in the other, watching Dame Kiri Te Kanawa Does the Funniest Things, and the children all safely tucked up in bed looking at their internet porn. I really am blessed. February 1 Tuesday Oh dear. Poor Brangelina's still having nightmares. They began a few weeks ago after her teacher mysteriously spontaneously combusted. She was really quite traumatised, particularly as she was the only child in the classroom at the time.

26 Saturday Spent a good five hours rummaging around in the attic. Once I'd finally negotiated the dust, cobwebs and back issues of Ladybitz Monthly, it was quite an eye-opener. My first find was a huge, ancient portrait of someone I assume was Stephen's great-grandfather, although he's never mentioned him. Whoever it was looked almost identical to Stephen, only 50 years older. Fifty years and five hours by the time I'd finished up there, oddly . . I also stumbled across a few hundred metres of toy train and Scalextric track, countless marbles, several fingerless Action Men and dozens of Panini sticker albums, but the most exciting find of all was a large wooden chest.

I'd start today but Stephen's taken the ladder on his window-cleaning round - apparently he lost the other one. In a game of poker. 25 Friday Stephen spent the evening in the Dog & Duck, crawling home around midnight. Unusually, I had a lovely, undisturbed night's rest. Stephen was asleep as soon as the pillow hit his head. 26 Saturday Spent a good five hours rummaging around in the attic. Once I'd finally negotiated the dust, cobwebs and back issues of Ladybitz Monthly, it was quite an eye-opener.

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